A Parent's Alphabet for Building Self-Esteem

A

is for Acceptance of your child as he is, good or bad, successful or unsuccessful, an "A" or "C" student. An individual's worth is in being a person and cannot be measured by what he/she can or cannot do.

B

is for Building on your child's strengths. It's okay if your child changes his mind and starts over with something new, but by pointing out your child's traits that are most appreciated and by observing your child's real skills, positive feelings can be built.

C

is for sincere Compliments which provide positive feedback, recognizing your child's strengths and demonstrating love and acceptance, for these will help your child to build the ability to assess his own strengths and weaknesses.

D

is for Decisions -- Considering your child's age and level of maturity, practice in making decisions helps your child learn good judgment.

E

is for your Expectations which must be reasonable so that your child can achieve success.

F

is for Forgiving mistakes, especially your own. Let your child see that you too make mistakes and can learn from them.

G

is for Goals. Help your child to set goals, advising him on how to meet them, and rewarding and praising him for doing so.

H

is for Home, where warmth and empathy foster positive feelings of personal worth and self-acceptance; and for Humor, which helps to keep things in perspective.

I

is for your child's Interests and activities. Show him that what he does is important to you by attending games, school programs, recitals and ceremonies.

J

is for meaningful, "do-able" Jobs for which your child is accountable. Praise him when he carries them out, for this makes your child feel useful and valued.

K

is for Keeping your word. Make sure your child can trust you to follow through.

L

is for treating your child Lovingly, with respect and courtesy, for in this way your child learns that he is important and worthwhile.

M

is for providing a role Model. Let your child know that you feel good about yourself.

N

is for Nurturing your child's trust. It begins with parents, widens to playmates, and later extends to friends at school. As these stages are established in childhood, he will then begin to transfer the same feeling toward himself.

O

is for Other people with different backgrounds and norms. Help your child to develop tolerance and to look for strengths in others.

P

is for Praise, which should be frequent and sincere.

Q

is for Questions, which along with your child's ideas, emotions and feelings should be taken seriously.

R

is for the family Rules and well defined limits that are fairly and consistently enforced. The purpose of discipline, in addition to giving your child a sense of security should be to teach your child to make good decisions.

S

is for Stroking and complimenting your child, for example: "You're neat. I'm glad you're mine."

T

is for Time spent working and playing together as a family. Sharing fun and learning activities makes your child feel accepted within your family.

U

is for Using phrases to build self-esteem, such as: "Thank you for helping," or "That was an excellent choice." Avoid messages that hurt self-esteem, for example: "I can't trust you with your bike, how will I trust you with the car?"

V

is for teaching your child Values: honesty, integrity, love of fellow man and religious beliefs.

W

is for the Wisdom you show in giving your child the gift of self-esteem, a foundation on which to build the rest of his life.

X

is for the Extra love that you demonstrate with a touch, a kiss or a hug.

Y

is for Young, because your child will only be young for a few short years.

Z

is for the End of the alphabet, but it is also for the beginning of better communication with your child, and the nurturing of self-esteem, the key to success in school and in life.